WayneCrane Journal Entry One: Laws Of Gotham
by WayneCrane-Enterprise
Summary: This is a list of laws one should remember when one goes to Gotham. Co-Authored by Mrs. Wayne and Mrs. Crane, hence our penname. Check out our profile to learn more about us.


Yeah, so this is a list of fact regarding Gotham City. It is primarily dictated by _Mrs. Crane_, and worded/typed by _Mrs. Wayne._ We are also commenting on each fact as we see fit. Don't be intimidated by our wit. Although most people are.

Here is a little info about us:

_Mrs. Crane: My husband is in fact Dr. Jonathan Crane (Mrs. Wayne: she just tried to spell his name with a G… "G-o-n…" bahahahahahaha) He is not insane like everyone thinks he is, he's just narcissistic. He's also incredibly attractive, to me at least. His badassness is just sexy. Anyways._

_Mrs. Wayne: Bruce Wayne and I are sexually involved. I love him. We're married and all, so it's okay. He's amazing, and is Batman. So, yeah, it's like a win-win situation. AND he's bank. Not to sound like a gold digger. And he's hot. Dear LORD he's hot. Haha, I'm the wife of the coolest person ever…other than Alfred, but he's British, so it's not even fair. Anyways._

_Needless to say there are some tensions at our weekly dinners. Our hubbies are arch enemies. We are best friends. They deal with it. *cough* whipped! *cough*_

_Here is how we see Gotham:_

1. The Joker is immune to Murphy's law, the laws of physics (sorry Newton),…and pretty much every law. _Hence the fact that every single non-plan that he has ALWAYS works._

2. NEVER mess with Alfred, he can make the Batman cry. _BRITISH! I'm telling you. I don't know how Great Brit lost the Revolutionary war, I mean COME ON, did they just decide to send a bunch of puss-warriors to fight when the French came? I guess so. _

3. Sirius=Gordon. Golden Ratio. Duh. _If you don't know what the Golden Ratio is, google it. We love google._

4. Gordon's mustache=BALLN'. Also duh. _That thing radiates badassness._

5. Joker says: Tomato gooood! _It's a hors d'oeuvres classic when the Joker joins us for dinner (those are always the best nights, Bruce get's a LITTLE on edge)_

6. Makeshift Batcave in a loading metal box-thing PWNS a penthouse.

7. Batsuit does not induce Bat powers (_if it did we would have stolen it by now_)….Just Bat awesomeness.

8. Doin'-it on the couch means you have to burn it. Always. Especially the mod-chic.

9. Alfred is the best sniper this side of the Pond. Duh.

10. A strobe light environment does not affect the Batman. So don't even go there girlfriend. *snaps*

11. E-Harmony: Joker: I like long walks on the beach, coffee, C-4, pina coladas, and getting caught in the rain. My Ideal Match: paranoid schizophrenics. _We're trying to get him connected into the world, one psychotically deranged step at a time. _

12. Of course the Joker has friends. Can we see them? No. Are they there? Most likely. _Then again, he doesn't like to talk about them._

13. Skanks should be lynched. Rachel Dawes is a skank; therefore, Rachel Dawes should be lynched. Kudos Joker. _*Mrs. Wayne cheers* Our deep rooted hatred for her is purely platonic Dr. Crane: Not my diagnosis! Mrs. Wayne: SHUT UP CRAZY. Mrs. Crane: Don't call my husband crazy! Only I can do that…SHUT UP YOU CRAZY BASTARD! Mrs. Wayne: Thank you._

14. If you think that the Joker waits for traffic you are seriously mislead. _He typically rides shotgun. The day he didn't was a dark day at the Robinson household. _

15. Irony is the Joker's native tongue. _We have come to know it as a second language. When we first met our dear purple clad friend we didn't know what the fuck he was bitchin' about, now, we're on the same page…most days._

16. The purple suit cost DOUGH. _It's custom you know._

17. The Joker is BANK. _Get money, get paid._

18. Joker: So _GQ _since 1980. _He IS GQ, if you don't know what GQ is…google that shit._

19. The Tumbler doesn't tumble. Nor, is it rocket proof. But it does tumble when

RPG-ed. MEANING, it is totally the Batmobile. _TUMBLER! This is a crowd-pleasing vehicle…and a Mrs. Crane pleasing vehicle. And henceforth Dr. Crane and Mrs. Crane are never allowed in the Batmobile together alone again._

20. The clown NEVER "keeps till morning." _Mrs. Crane: Seriously Gordon! What were you thinking? Mrs. Wayne: Yeah! Siriusly! Bahaha I'm so punny._

21. The BUTT-CHIN sits on a throne of LIES! _Mrs. Crane: He fuckin' SHOT Batman! Who DOES that? Seriously!? Mrs. Wayne: Motherfucker going DOWN!_

22. Time so totally matters. _It really does, it was the deciding factor in Dawes's death…mwahahah (here's an interesting tidbit. When you type "mwahahaha" spell check changes it to "maharaja" it's annoying. But hilarious all at once.)_

23. The Joker wants his phone call. Point blank. _He shan't be denied. _

24. The only person that is badass enough to save the Batman is Gordon_…or Alfred, but that's different, Alfred is British. Anyways, Gordon = badass._

25. Hmm, a room full of oil-drums. Deduction? Knock over a barrel whilst trying to free your bound hands. Good idea? Hell no. _We also have not added the fact that Dent is a complete fucktard into the equation. _

26. The Joker does NOT in fact have the ability to replace the voices with bright Christmas-esk lights. Hostile takeovers? Yes. Lighting? No. _Sorry Mr. Schizo. Your voices problemo ain't getting solved today. _

27. Contrary to popular belief, the Joker doesn't get chapped lips even though he compulsively licks his lips thanks to his cherry Chapstick. _(It's red for a reason you know) (also, yes, he did kiss a girl and liked it, his boyfriend don't mind it. (not that the Joker swings that way, he could, but he doesn't, well we don't know. ANYWAYS.))_

28. That is not some sort of contusion. It's a frickin' cell phone that has been surgically inserted into the man's stomach you dumbass EMT._ Mother of fuckin' pearl, why do people have to be so fuckin' dumb? I swear if I got a dollar for every dumbass I met in a day I would be richer than Bruce, which is difficult considering I'm married to him. _

29. Rachel is such a skank hoe-bag. _We second that._

30. The Joker's logic is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get; yet, so undeniable.

31. I'll just mention this once more. DAWES = SLUT. _Mrs. Crane: All I want to do is bring her back, rip out her heart, bring her back again, have her clean the mess, then shoot her in the head, and still I would probably not be satisfied. _

32. Reese is a bitch. If he went to jail he would be gang banged. _I mean that in the meanest way possible. Reese is such a little bitch, come one, who tries to blackmail both the almighty black-man AND the richest man alive? _

33. The Joker puts a smile on your face, and he makes the world a better place. Just like Vitamin C. _You know the song, we're all singing it now._

34. The Joker likes to send a message; thus, AIM is his BFF4EVA. _He's quite the AIM-er, and texter, seriously._

35. I'm 98.98631457458% sure that if anyone other than the Joker cross dressed and impersonated a Gotham General nurse he would be shot rather gain a few raised eyebrows. Then again, the Joker has a gun…and a serious complex. _We are totally amazed at this. Mrs. Crane: The only thing that is more disturbing than this is seeing my husband playing Kitten in __Breakfast on Pluto._

36. The Joker is all business. Oxymoron? Yes._ His philosophy: Get money. Get paid. He never does anything for free…other than the whore on the corner of 3__rd__ and Infantino Avenue._

37. The Joker's key phrase is "Why so serious?" _Mrs. Wayne: Why so serious? How the fuck do you expect me to act when a knife is to my throat you anarchist clown?!_

38. The Joker cares enough about his hygiene to sanitize his hands when exiting Harvey Dent's hospital room. Yet, he doesn't brush his teeth. _That is just gross, but a damn tooth brush. Or those crest strips, you know the song "rip, slip, brush, ahh!"_

39. The Joker likes to use school buses. Is this a deep rooted desire to be a child again? Possibly. _We'd like to thank Dr. Crane for this diagnosis._

40. The Joker typically works alone…after he's killed the twenty people that assisted him in a bank-job. _Okay so it wasn't twenty, but a little exaggeration never hurt anyone. Lately._

41. Butt-chin (aka Dent) is butt-ugly after his little oil-drum incident. _Mrs. Crane: Damn, whenever you look at that face it's like…shit man! Just cover it up!_

42. Harvey Dent needs to GSF. (Get some friends.) _Mrs Wayne: More like GSFF. Get some fuckin' friends. He's such a reject. Mrs. Crane: Was that really necessary? Mrs. Wayne: Was what necessary? Mrs. Crane: Using the fuck-word. Mrs. Wayne: fuck yes. _

43. If you don't like what Dr. Crane has to offer, then you're probably smarter than a fifth grader. _Mrs. Crane: HEY! Hahah…okay so it's true. _

44. Social experiments never turn out the way you expect, especially when dealing with highly explosive materials such as diesel fuel and ammonium nitrate. _Sky rockets in flight! Boom! Afternoon delight! We enjoy the occasional explosive performance._

45. When the Joker gives you an ultimatum. You're typically SOL (Shit-outta-luck) _Mrs. Wayne: Amen to that. Mrs. Crane: Double true. Google that shit. Mrs. Wayne: why did you say that? Mrs. Crane: I don't know, I just wanted to say shit. SHIT! Wow…I'm immature. At least I don't have verbal Tourettes, then we'd all be SOL. _


End file.
